Rendezvous and Dispersion

I finally mustered up enough courage to unpack the last box of my things. It has been quite a while since I got back, yet as soon as I opened it, the smell of home gushed out and before I even knew it, I was fighting back tears. Feelings and memories came rushing back like a tidal wave, washing over me and pulling me under, back to the place where you were mine, and I was yours alone.

Our rendezvous really was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. A slightest twist of fate and we could have just missed each other for eternity. Would I have been much better off then, I wonder? The moment you lift me off my feet and spun us around the first time we met, I thought that I had finally found my safe haven, there in your arms. If I closed my eyes now, I could still see the whole world as I saw it that day on the ferris wheel, beneath us and burning in the setting sun as you kissed me, still careful yet eager.

I left everything that you ever gave me back there, I got rid of our pictures, I cut contacts with you, all because I want to forget. I want to forget how you used to call my name in your own special, loving way; I want to forget how we walked everywhere with our fingers intertwined; I want to forget how you used to kiss and whisper in my ear “I love you” every morning before you got out of bed; I want to forget the way we fit each other so perfectly; I want to forget the beginning, the end… I want to forget everything.

I do remember it all too well, but oh, how I wish I didn’t.

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