Today the sky was dark. Today the wind blew cold air into my heart, stirring up the dry leaves, stirring up thoughts of you.
How have you been? Well, I hope. I’ve been fine. I wake up, go to work, come home, spend time on the computer till I sleep, and then wake up the next day to repeat that same ritual. Day after day. I’ve got to admit that life is rather tasteless without you. Everything just seems to blend in together into a blurred picture. I wonder if you’re better without me?
People say “You don’t miss him, you miss the relationship, miss having someone there.” I disagree. If that was the case, then why do I think of you and not any anyone else? It’s your hair I want to touch when I wake up in the morning, your scent I want to smell lingering on my clothes, your hand I want to hold, your lips I want to kiss. Why is it so hard to want the simple things?
Even though I have come to accept that perhaps our affinity in this life has ended, there are times when I still wander back there, where we held hands in the car and sang along to the radio, where we planned out the things we would do together, and we seemed infinite. But it turned out that we will never watch the fireworks at Disneyland together, or go to a Taylor Swift concert, or have breakfast at the pier, or cosplay, or go camping, or see Japan.
In a way, I did love you. Even if it was just a baby love, it could have grown into an adult love. Too bad it caught COPD and died. Neither of us paid any attention to it until it was too late. It would’ve been nice, I think, to wake up every morning in your arms, to make you bento for work, to come home to you after a long day. But then again, expectations and reality have always been two completely different things, and unfortunately, our hypothesis never was, and never will be, proven.
On the odd chance that you do stumble upon this blog post, please don’t let any of it get to you. Times have changed. You are you, and I am me. We are two different people walking on two different paths that may never cross again, but that’s alright, isn’t it? Life consists of the arriving and departing of many things, there is no point in weeping over it. Do know that wherever you are, whoever you’re with, and whatever you’re doing, I wish you well.
[More than words] always,
P.S: I miss you, but not enough to tell you.
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