Recollection

Someone greeted me today with a “How are you,” and, absentmindedly, I replied “Dandy.” As soon as the word left my mouth, I regretted it immediately because I could feel my chest tightened as tears welled up in my eyes.

Once Upon A Time

I looked up at the sky tonight, wondering if, from the other side of the continent, you were also having a moment of nostalgia, but then I realized that you were probably at work, busy carrying on a life without me.

Remnants

As I hauled myself into bed last night and dropped down on the pillow, I thought I caught a whiff of your scent and started sniffing around frantically to see where it was coming from, even when I knew that it couldn’t have been because the sheet and pillowcases have been washed ever since. I think that when you miss a person, the thing that always pulls you down is the way they smell – not their perfume or body spray or the soap they use, but just the simple, genuine scent of their skin that no one else has – and I was missing you.

Coming Undone

It was the first time that I made acquaintance with the term “Passive Suicidal Ideation.” What this means is that I’m not actively trying to kill myself, but if death comes, I would have been very happy to die.

You and I Both

Even though I said that things are getting easier, songs that speak our story like this one still tug violently at my heart and bring tears to my eyes. Despite my effort to keep my mind busy during the day so that it won’t wander into the rooms that I’ve carefully sealed away, I still dream about you every night. Brains are stupid.

But I Have To

Now that I think about it, a lot of the things you said post-break didn’t make sense. It was as if your words and actions were trying to prove two different, opposite points, and it got me thinking: Perhaps you were just looking for a way out. We loved, but I’m starting to realize that we couldn’t deny the fact that I wasn’t enough for you, so you made up all of these excuses to make yourself feel better about dropping the ball on me, about walking away from everything we had, about crushing the woman who set you free, who shared your plate, your bed, your bathtub, your life, your dreams; the only woman who had ever loved you the way you should be loved.

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you

To which you said, “The problem is: there’s no one like you, and there’s no one like me.”

And to which I replied, “Good, because I’d hate to have my heart broken in the same way twice.”

Which was true, to a certain degree.

Loneliness

Horrible, isn’t it? That feeling of floating in the middle of the ocean, unable to drown, surrounded by bitter darkness and screeching silence, choking back tears, slowly losing your mind.

Happy Father’s (?) Day!

Today is a day to celebrate and appreciate fathers all around the world. However, since the one who’s been carrying both roles in my life is my mother, I’ll spend the day to give thanks to her.

I still remember my early elementary school days. We were still living in Vietnam back then. Every morning my mom would take me to school on her old bicycle. We didn’t have enough money to be able to afford a motorcycle like most people in the city did. One time,

Abandonment or Liberation?

This is a question that not a lot of people ask themselves when their relationship ends. Naturally, the person who breaks it off feels liberated, and the person who gets broken off with feels abandoned.

At the beginning of the end,