Rendezvous and Dispersion

I finally mustered up enough courage to unpack the last box of my things. It has been quite a while since I got back, yet as soon as I opened it, the smell of home gushed out and before I even knew it, I was fighting back tears. Feelings and memories came rushing back like a tidal wave, washing over me and pulling me under, back to the place where you were mine, and I was yours alone.

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As I hauled myself into bed last night and dropped down on the pillow, I thought I caught a whiff of your scent and started sniffing around frantically to see where it was coming from, even when I knew that it couldn’t have been because the sheet and pillowcases have been washed ever since. I think that when you miss a person, the thing that always pulls you down is the way they smell – not their perfume or body spray or the soap they use, but just the simple, genuine scent of their skin that no one else has – and I was missing you.

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But I Have To


Now that I think about it, a lot of the things you said post-break didn’t make sense. It was as if your words and actions were trying to prove two different, opposite points, and it got me thinking: Perhaps you were just looking for a way out. We loved, but I’m starting to realize that we couldn’t deny the fact that I wasn’t enough for you, so you made up all of these excuses to make yourself feel better about dropping the ball on me, about walking away from everything we had, about crushing the woman who set you free, who shared your plate, your bed, your bathtub, your life, your dreams; the only woman who had ever loved you the way you should be loved.

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Happy Father’s (?) Day!

motherly love

Today is a day to celebrate and appreciate fathers all around the world. However, since the one who’s been carrying both roles in my life is my mother, I’ll spend the day to give thanks to her.

I still remember my early elementary school days. We were still living in Vietnam back then. Every morning my mom would take me to school on her old bicycle. We didn’t have enough money to be able to afford a motorcycle like most people in the city did. One time, Continue reading

Long Distance

long distance

“The scariest thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they will miss you or forget you.”

– Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

So here’s the thing: Up until this point, I have gone through two long-distance relationships. You might say “Two isn’t a lot,” but hey, loving from afar is way more draining and challenging than you can imagine. If you’ve been in the same shoes, you understand. The bittersweet feeling of knowing someone is there for you, but isn’t actually “there.” You can’t touch them or hold them or smell their hair or taste their kiss. It’s exhausting: yearning and longing for someone. Don’t feed into any of this “your bodies are apart, but your hearts are always together” bullshit. That’s not how it works. When you love someone, you would want to be close to them, to have physical interactions, to feel them right there next to you. Intimacy is just as an important part of a relationship as feelings are.

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